Online class “Reality”

Dear online classes,
*எதுமே இருக்குற போது அருமை தெரியாது*, which everyone knows, and I seriously regret for it 🙂 . I lie if I say I didn’t want u to happen. I was very eagerly waiting for YOU to happen because just because I saw people sending streaks of their classes and my self-esteem was hurt ( konjam neraya ), because I was all vetti ! But as I wished, u happened to me one day, woahhh what joy I had in those initial days, it was like I achieved something big, say a degree without studying?

Also, that much this lockdown has made me feel I was loitering around 😪 . Also, ik பழக பழக பாலும் புளிக்கும்   (one of those few proverbs I know ), and it was the same with you. I didn’t know u would turn to be a headache very soon! It just took me 2-3 days to go from *woah online class* to *aiyoo 10 manni ayurucha*. Na Enna nu solradhu, I literally do everything like EVERYTHING apart from listening, and this guilt is growing day by day ( I might die of guilt before covid). I try, I wouldn’t say I didn’t try to listen but everything in vain. The biggest distraction is phone, and what will happen if you are asked to learn through that. WHATTTA AN IRONY MAN! Every night I tell myself let’s listen tomorrow, let’s listen and I sleep late – wake up late – eat during class and VOILA I end up not listening.

So I pacify my dissonance saying let’s listen from the next hour and I either end up in insta or YouTube. And the worst is I would be so engrossed in those apps that I sometimes forget that you are running in background – I need to exit once it’s over and join in another link for the next class! And when I come back I’ll be the only one in the meetingg! *Guilt max* moments they are. But it is not wrong on our part alone, our parents the legendary 90’s think it’s j a class and we are not listening (true though)  so why not come n help them?

Mom shouts from the kitchen ” why don’t u do the dishes, anyway Ur sitting vetti dhana “, ” y don’t u put Ur headphones and as well sweep the house ?”, Appa from the bedroom ” it’s 11:30, I need tea ” even on those days where I make up my mind and with full attention I do a math problem, he wants his tea. Running commentaries are something I miss in you, but we make it up through group chats in wp. Texting, bathing, eating, sleeping and all possible distractions around how am I suppose to listen to you? I’m a person with the most delicate attention, sitting in class with a board and books in front I’ll have 1000 things to distract. How do u expect me to concentrate now?

Even after all this, I make up my mind to listen, a notification pops in and I’m done. Do u really think that I need you now? No way Ur going to benefit me. It’s just headache and eyes burn I take back from u rather than knowledge! I know it’s all because of the situation but u are just pouring oil to the burning bush. Also to mention this letter was also during one of your class (:

Victim of yours.