Feel my Love

Dear Love,

How lucky was I to find the love of my life when I was just 15. It all feels like yesterday. You were so nervous when you asked me out for the first time. You bought two roses, my favourite flower and a big bar of the most delicious chocolate in town. Just as you were walking up to me near the bicycle stand, you tripped and fell onto a puddle right near me.

When most boys would have just got up and run away in embarrassment, you stood up, did not bother to adjust your crooked glasses, and then started singing my favourite song. I dunno how and why, but the sight of you singing covered in mud, with the pair of damaged roses and the soaked chocolate bar, just as the song said, made me feel your love. Our first date was at a cafe near our school, and from there we never looked back. 

Maybe you knew we would make a great match, just like you seem to know everything to the point where it’s annoying. Face it, no one likes a ‘know it all’, except for the times where you did my assignments while I was trying to make it in basketball. You ended up working for that giant robot making corporation I can never fully understand, while I was finding my footing in basketball. You were my biggest fan. The times you took me to basketball games and cheered me so much the only things missing were a bunch of streamers and a cheerleader’s costume. I will never forget the game where I dunked the winning basket and amidst all the victory celebration, I suddenly heard Adele serenade through the speakers. I turn around and see you in the middle of the court, on one knee, waiting to pop the question you already knew the answer to. You once again, made me feel your love.

It was all not a bed of roses. We loved what we did to earn our living, but to ensure we paid our bills, we had to sacrifice a lot of our time. There were times when we struggled to make ends meet, and I knew I was not supportive enough. Basketball was done with me, with multiple injuries forcing an end. I was heartbroken. Through all of it, you would cup my face with your hands, look me in the eye and say “This will pass”. The warmth from you and your words was all I ever needed. 

Having kids was your dream. It meant the world to you to have a family of our own. My body let us down. No, I think I let us down. I’ll never be able to tell our kids about how soulmates do exist. I’ll never have kids to tell the story of how a young boy with crooked glasses won the heart of their mother. What kills me is that I robbed you of the chance to do so too.

It was unfair. Just as unfair as it is for you to not be with me right now. If anyone had to go, it should’ve been me. I gave you pain when all I got in return was love. I never deserved a guy like you. A guy whose solution to even life’s most testing times was love. All I wish for in life now is for your hands to cup my face and to feel the warmth of the words “This will pass”. It is hard to accept reality. Somedays, I just look up at the clouds and ask the gods why they took you away so young and so early. Maybe heaven needed its angel back.

She placed the letter on her husband’s grave and with tears in her eyes walked away, leaving behind a pair of roses and her heart.