Falling deeper

Was I asking too much?.
That’s what any girl who doesn’t get what she wants always asks herself. Most of the girls wants fairytale. But I always wanted a happy understandable basically a simple Heidi life, But maybe I asked too much. Everyone deserves to be loved, Whether she is rich, happy, smart, powerful, or even in trauma. It is why there is a saying that states, “we’re born to love and to be loved”, But the second part never found a place in my life. Every time I notice I’ve been chosen over other or ignored. I would just cry my heart out but that never helps you, it makes the situation even worse for you, as it made mine. Though evolving happened and maturity crawled in, the love never was the same. I was not ME anymore.

The dreams shattered and confidence flow away, every time I ran behind it I just hurt myself more. The darker days, heavier memories followed me like evil, running from it has overpassed the race for confidence. In all these scenarios, the one thing  I asked for is a hand that could not even hold me till the end, but just to stay and say, “You can”. Of course, I got a few souls, But the heart never listens to you, It just goes back to the one person who has tons of reason just to drop commitments. So yes, Now you are in three races which you can never win because you cannot be in three places at a time. So you don’t win !. But this is totally not about winning.

The thing is you QUIT !. The pain that you get never lets you play any game again for a lifetime 100%. So did I. I quit and the scene became worse because nobody wants to know why you did so, They just wanna let you down. Because, ” this is an information era and not an Understanding era you idiot ! ” said my heart over and over. It’s quite bad when you put everyone in the first place that the circle not only pushes you down but also stamps on you and gives presence, that’s how irony life is. It can be anyone !. your best friend who chooses to join in the humiliation with a third person or your boyfriend who doesn’t care about wiping your tears for his mistake.

Oh dear !, I never knew this is what my life is all about. When I first stepped into a school for my kindergarten I just thought it is all about treat and greet. But today I understood all that life is going to be a trick or threat.