I was wide awake even before my alarm went off- I couldn’t sleep. My clock seemed to be ticking faster- I felt the home was too still and empty today. Surprisingly, I had all the time this morning to get myself ready for the day, my attorney’s assistant had already called me to remind me of my last counseling session that I have today. How could I ever possibly forget something that has been bothering me for two years?
I reached the psychiatric clinic even before my scheduled time and ended up waiting in the doctor’s office.
I was looking through the window at the cars inching their way through the traffic from the second floor, “Good morning, Mr. Kumar” I heard a loud voice at the doorway it was our counseling psychologist Dr.Prasad. I greeted him with a faint smile, then Rekha followed him into the room and quickly to her seat- she didn’t even look at me- I felt small. “Since we’re all here, let’s start your third session then. Right, Mrs.Kumar?.”
I wanted to take a look at how she had responded to “Mrs.Kumar,” but I resisted my anxiety. I hope she was doing the same. His words have triggered a rush of emotions in me, and I felt even smaller. Even though she was sitting a few feet, apart-it felt long lost. He passed a fresh sheet of paper to each of us.
“Today, in the final session, I want you both to write about each other, only the things that you ever admired them for,” Dr.prasad said in his enthusiastic tone and looked at our clueless faces that went cold right away. “So, what then? ” Rekha found her voice a few moments later, “well, then you should read it aloud because you both deserve to hear the wonderful things about each other before parting ways” he still sounded excited. “You’ve got ten minutes now and no extra time,” he laughed at his lame joke which we didn’t even try to appreciate- it felt odd, after spending a lot of nights thinking of taking back those words I yelled at her, I am sitting here in this office trying to say something good at her face just because it’s a therapy. He left the room for us.
“I guess we’ve got some paperwork to do,” I said to her with a hopeless smile, she returned that polite smile of hers’. I should’ve placed that smile on my list. The next ten minutes felt like buying a ticket for a lottery you won’t win because you do know that you’re one of the dumb-luck guys ever. I still remember the day I filed the divorce stating our indifferences six months back and these ten minutes was all it took for me to take a look aside-on the things I was willing to give up once for all.
It may sound like that I brought us here, actually no, we brought us here because we couldn’t hear us fight anymore over things every day, and we thought that we couldn’t live up to each other. Then one day we just stopped pretending to be a husband and wife too and forgot why we had decided to get married in the first place.
She was still writing when Dr.Prasad came in swiftly into the room, and I was wondering when was the last time we both had a good laugh together. “Ok, first of all, I need to thank you for doing this without any hesitation,” he spoke with an empathetic voice leaning over the table.
“Would you go first, Mr.kumar?” well, I guess I ought to because she always feels a bit hesitant to speak candidly in front of someone who isn’t even a friend. “Sure, will do,” I responded quickly.
“Rekha is the kind of person who could tell people when there is food in their teeth or face in a way that doesn’t make them feel bad.
She is extremely organized and clear about what she wants, unlike me, who can’t always tell.” I took a brief pause. I felt her eyes were on me.
“She always knows the right thing to do when it comes to difficult family shit. She knows when to push me and when to leave me alone when I get stuck.” I saw her feet getting restless when I made another pause. “I used to rely on her to keep things in order- she takes all of my moods steadily without giving in to them .”
Before I could go for the next line, I sensed something about her- I could hear her heavy breaths, she rushed out of the room, weeping it all she had in her. Her suddenness startled us both. The doctor gestured me to go for her. I finally did.